Reframing the mindset

Photos: Angela Petrovska

Wearing: Bastet Noir 

I remember being as little as 7 years old, and my aunt would wake me up at the butt crack of dawn to try on new outfits for school as she had a small boutique at the time and always brought home a big bag of clothes that might look good on me. At the time, I was not very pleased with her waking me up at 6:30 AM to play dress up, but deep down it always stuck with me that clothing should be of abundance, and looking presentable is how it should always be. I was always the girl in head-to-toe pink, blinged-out denim jackets, and dare-I-say scandalous little two-piece sets (the latter was only worn on special occasions, not to school obviously haha). What I'm getting at here is that clothing, more specifically the acquiring of new clothing, was engraved into my mindset as something that I needed in order to present myself as the best version I can be. 

A Personal History of Pink

Photos: Angela Petrovska

When it comes to dressing for the winter season, my whole mantra is "Wear color to brighten up your day" and even though I too sometimes want to just blend into the crowd and disappear with the gray, most of the time I'll be the girl with a bright yellow hat on, or, in this case, in a full-on pink outfit.  

So, in honor of pink, let's go through a brief overview of my history with this color because we go waaay back. I think every single girl to ever exist on the planet has been adorned with everything pink since coming out of the womb. Pink baby clothes, pink toys, pink room, pink everything. Although I think (or, should I say, hope) people are over pairing specific genders with specific colors, as in pink is for girls and blue is for boys, at this point, it's pretty clear that it's mostly associated with being a girl. And I feel like that's why every girl has gone through a phase where she "hates pink", and honestly, I can't blame us. Pink is associated with femininity and fragility, and there are only so many stereotypical comments one can take before fully refusing to wear this cliché-ridden color. 

Casual Magic

Photos: Angela Petrovska

Hey there. It's been a while, hasn't it? And where do I even begin? I could go on about how I've spent this year, how much it sucks, and how angry I am, and sad and hopeful at the same time, but what would be the point? Plus, I already have two posts that stayed in my drafts that have just word vomit in them about my personal frustrations and thoughts on this situation, that consequently stayed unpublished because it just felt untrue to what I want to put out. Although I love to sprinkle positivity as much as I can in this Internet world, I think we deserve some realism as well - but what I had written so far this year was just either me lying to myself about how I've made the best of the situation, or just straight up despair and taking everything at face value. So, in true Libra fashion, I am now just caught up in my head trying to create the perfect balance between realism and positivity in 2020, and how I saw this year in retrospect. 

I've been watching a lot of YouTube (no shame here, I see it as watching a TV show or a movie), and I've really been enjoying the content of UnJadedJade and her concept of casual magic. She explains it as "not there to desensitize us of the struggle we go through on a day to day basis, not to be seen as "toxic positivity", but instead to ask yourself, what tiny thing that doesn't need to be grand can you be grateful for?" which in my opinion is the perfect way to look back on this year, and think a bit deeper about the mundane moments we don't give a second thought to. I've touched on the topic of "appreciating the small moments" before on this blog and rambled on about how I've changed my POV, etc. and I'll be the first to admit that it comes and goes in waves, more absent than not. It's hard to stay positive and content when the whole world is crumbling before your eyes and to say that you're happy might even come off as a tad insensitive. However, when I catch myself truly enjoying a moment, and that little voice appears in the back of my mind that says "No, no, how dare you to forget about how scary it is to live in this world right now", it's like a little split-second dialogue appears out of nowhere between me and my subconscious where I fight hard to snap back and say "I'm not forgetting, just choosing to look at the world in a different way just for a moment and remember that there's hope." 

My Style Journey: 2012-2020

One cold January night, while I was trying to prepare for a seriously demanding exam but was in fact just scrolling through my Instagram profile, I started to notice the way I was dressing. As I got deeper and deeper into the horrible 2016 and under period, I realized that my style has drastically changed and I haven't really given it much notice. And then I remembered that I have a whole time capsule right here, specifically dedicated to fashion (and not the horrible flatlays I was trying so hard to make) and thought "Hmm, what if I went through my blog and did a little style overview?" And that is exactly what I am serving today, on a silver platter, to you all! Enjoy my cringy evolution starting from the beginning of my blog, 2012, up until today!

5 things I learned in 2019

Happy New Year!

Firstly, I want to wish everyone the absolute best this year, I hope you had or will have peaceful holidays (no time nor energy for nosy aunts and uncles), and I hope you all accomplish great things!

Instead of making a list of things I wish to achieve in 2020 (that I most probably won't because the social pressure of having resolutions for 2020 is just too much to handle since everyone is hyping it up, ya know new decade and stuff) I decided to pay homage to 2019 and acknowledge the 5 things I learned during one of the best years of my life. Yeah, I know, unpopular opinion - 2019 didn't suck for me personally. I hope that statement doesn't jinx 2020 for me though. And on this positive note (to be read with a sarcastic tone), I leave you off with a list that just might inspire you for this year!

Photos: Angela Petrovska

It's About Time

Photos: Angela Petrovska

2019 is with one foot out of the door, and I've barely posted anything else other than playlists this whole year. And I am truly so, so, soo sorry about that. The truth is, I've just been feeling extremely uninspired when it came to topics that I would like to cover on the blog. In the past, I used my blog as my main source of open creativity. I look at Instagram as a way to further promote what I loved doing here.

Sorolla | A Life Update

The situation: It's 2.14 AM, I just downed a Latte Espresso from the supermarket in hopes it would keep me awake enough to study, Mura Masa is playing in the background. I've had a really unproductive day which in my opinion is a wasted day. This is something I came to realize during my stay here (I'm still in Madrid for those who have no idea what the heck is going on haha). Before, if I spent my day just chilling, watching a tv show or something similar, I'd just brush it off as "Oh it's just one of those days". Now, I feel like a proper failure if I don't do something productive, or at least try to. So, that's why I'm here today, in hopes to clear my conscience of both not being active on the blog and not doing anything worth while today. Between trying to figure out what my life is right now and writing essay after essay, I haven't had much free time to dedicate to this blog, and I'm sad it came to this point. I've missed it, truly.

 Generalife, Granada by Sorolla

In hopes of not sounding too cliche I'll try to sum up my experience here so far with a metaphor. Yes, I'm using a metaphor and no, it's not because I've been studying mostly about Shakespeare's works for the past three months (okay, maybe a little bit).

This is Museo Sorolla. More precisely, this is the home and studio of Joaquín Sorolla, famed Spanish Impressionism painter. (Fun fact, his daughter was named Elena, which is actually not that fun now that I say it, but for me, it's like a sign haha). He created this place for it to be his personal oasis, his escape from the city and his sanctuary. He was a passionate traveller, he adored the seaside and would often go there with his family and would carry on to paint some of his most famous works inspired by these sights. He loved the south, therefore his house really does feel as if you are in an Andalusian patio. His works to me are like a photo, he captures movement and temporary moments in such a manner that makes you think that he was a photographer rather than a painter. He adored portraits, mostly painting his beloved family.

This place was one of the first things I discovered before coming to Madrid when I still wasn't sure if I would come here at all. I imagined myself sitting here, with my diary in my hand, enjoying the peace and quiet. I kept telling myself, "Oh come on, stop daydreaming about something that might not happen, you'll just hype yourself up and get let down, once again." Fast forward, if I could somehow transfer the feeling when I was actually in the garden, with my diary, writing, while the birds were chirping and the water fountain beside me was making the loveliest white noise, I would. This place became my sanctuary too. I wanted to be there forever, to never face the reality of not calling Madrid my home. I never thought I'd be able to enjoy my time somewhere with such immense passion and hope for it to last forever. And I know that might sound a bit too over the top, but I really thought I'd have a harder time adapting to this new situation, not to mention the fact that I was doing so many things on my own for the first time in my life. And I feel so grateful that I can say that I did that. If I could bring my family and closest friends here too, I'd do it in a heartbeat because I know they would love it as much as I do.  

I became independent here. I came to the conclusion that cooking relaxes me, that I love just walking around on my own, without headphones on, or just sitting in a cafe with a book. I also discovered a great passion. Much like Sorolla, I love taking portraits with my analogue camera, and capturing moments that tell a story. I did so many things that took me out of my shell, that made me more confident and believe that I have something to offer to the world. I never saw myself as an outgoing person, but I kept proving myself wrong with every passing day. And most importantly, I realized that it's not bad that I'm praising myself for a job well done, for moving forward instead of being at a standstill and acknowledging that. I need more, I want more. And if you too feel like this, and people around you are telling you that "you're changing", don't take it as an insult. For me, that's the greatest compliment a person can receive.

Women Walking on the Beach (1909)

 Sewing the Sail (1896)

 Bathtime (1909)

New beginnings

If you were to ask 16-year-old Elena where she sees herself in 5 years time, she would definitely not say studying in Madrid, completely on her own. When I think about it if you were to tell me that even a year ago, I wouldn't have believed you. Although I'm here for 5 months, this time of my life presents a huge challenge, something unimaginable. But, I'm here. And I'm making it work. Every day brings a different challenge and every day I do something new for the first time. And I'm very aware of it because I know that the first time is the hardest, but also the most interesting. 

Photos: Irina Krstevska

Да ја прашавте 16-годишна Елена каде се гледа за 5 години, дефинитивно немаше да ви каже дека студира во Мадрид, тотално сама. Кога ќе подразмислам, да ми го кажевте ова и пред една година, не верувам дека ќе ви поверував. Иако сум тука на 5 месеци, за мене ова претставува огромен предизвик, нешто незамисливо. Но, тука сум. Успевам. Секој ден ми носи различен предизвик, и секој ден правам нешто ново за првпат. И многу сум свесна за тоа, бидејќи знам дека првиот пат е секогаш најтешкиот, но исто така и најинтересниот.

Фотографии: Ирина Крстевска

Saudade

You know that feeling when you return to a place you haven't visited in so many years, and it looks exactly like you left it?
This is that place for me. When I dig deep in the overflowing treasure chest called memories, I see myself, aged around 6 or 7, going up to the open fields of Gazi Baba to play with my friends or to go on afternoon walks with my grandmother.

Everything seemed so much bigger then. And more adventurous. I remember I was scared to go alone, actually scratch that - I was TERRIFIED because at night the hill looked straight out of a horror movie. The older kids would make up stories about monsters coming down from the forests if we played outside until the late hours, which I now realise was a great way to get rid of the annoying little children that we were.

Now, aged 21, I'm no longer scared of the monsters from the forest. I see the openness in front of me and I sigh. There's a word in Portuguese called "saudade" which I came to learn was one of the most discussed words in the language. There's no official translation for it, but what it essentially represents is a feeling of melancholic longing or yearning. Yearning towards something you had or you'll never have. How beautiful and sad at the same time. I'll always have the memories of this place, but I'll never feel the freedom of running down the field without a care in the world, nor take an afternoon walk with my grandmother again. I guess that's just life's way of making room for new, equally as happy memories to be created.

Photos: Jane Nikoloski

September notes

Dear September,

I'm writing this at the risk of sounding like a totally cliche Tumblr post, so I'm not going to ask for things from you. Instead, I want everything to stay the same as before, leaving room only for improvement, because even though sometimes we feel like we're at a standing still in some part of our life, we're actually moving forward without even noticing it. I don't need you to be magical, I don't need for life-changing things to happen just for the sake of it. What I do need is to let myself breathe, and not want more just because time's slipping away. There is time, a lot of time. So go out and dance, or stay home and have a movie night with yourself, whatever your heart desires. 

And what better way to start the month with a positive mood, than taking inspiration from this Lindsay Lohan living her best life in Mykonos meme, because why not. 

Photos: Jane Nikoloski

Wearing: Zaful.com JUMPSUIT & NECKLACE (Use code " ZFjaned4" for  $3 off $25; $6 off $50; $12 off $100)

Zaful Summer Wishlist 2018

Hi everyone! For today's post, I'm partnering up with Zaful, an affordable yet super trendy online wholesale boutique to bring you my top picks for this summer. Right now the Tops and Dresses categories on the website are *booming* with awesome stuff (most of it's on sale!) but there's just too much to intake all at once - that's why I've narrowed down the selection, ready for you below!

Bright colours, stripes and tropical prints will be your new best friends this summer season. Happy shopping!

Use code " ZFjaned4" for  $3 off $25; $6 off $50; $12 off $100 purchases 

Self Tie Bowknot Striped Cami Dress

Smocked Back Button Up Dress

Striped Midi Shift Slip Dress

Cropped Wrap Top

Embroidered Ribbed Crop Cami Top

Buttoned Cacti Cami Romper

Marble Print High Waisted Bandeau Bikini Set

Striped Knot Cut Out One Piece Swimsuit

Cactus Print Bandeau Bikini

Bandeau Tropical Bikini Set

Dress Code: Not fancy enough

Time for a short fashion dilemma storytime with Elena. 

Whenever I get the opportunity to attend a fancy event, in this case, Lancome's Declaring Happiness event, I switch into "extreme panic because I don't own anything nice" mode. This information proposes two opinions:

1. Why don't you own anything nice Elena, you're a 20-year-old self-declared fashion blogger ffs... 

2. Nobody cares?!?

Well, you might be right about the second one, but I'm here today to defend my "not fancy enough" closet and why I punch myself in the face (metaphorically) every time it's literally 10 minutes before I leave the door and I still don't know what to wear. 

Allow me to introduce myself. Hi, I'm Elena and 95% of my closet is casual wear because 95% of my activities require me to lead a casual lifestyle...Or so I thought. When I arrive at *insert any casual type of gathering here* I sometimes get the "Why are you so dressed up?" comment which doesn't make sense to me, since, I'm not dressed up! I gracefully try to defend myself from these absurd accusations (catch my sarcasm), but I still don't understand why people would think I'm dressed up when I clearly thought and aimed to dress casually. And now I've come to the conclusion - These little series of moments are the reason why I don't own anything nice. I'd led to think that I can dress fancy with the clothing I already own, when in fact it's not even close to fancy. Sooo that means it's everyone else's fault, right? Well, sadly that's wrong because by now I should know better and I should probably buy myself something other than mom jeans and T-shirts. 

Photos: Angela Petrovska

A penny for my thoughts

Current state of mind: tired, but happy; overwhelmed, but content. 

I'm sitting on the bed with my laptop in front of me, with my window open and a thunderstorm outside, listening to Bonobo. This situation, this collective set of moments happening right now, right here had me thinking: 

I'm beginning to find appreciation in the small things (or at least I'm genuinely trying to) which is something I haven't put a focus on for so long. I've always been an advocate for it, telling people that they don't appreciate enough, when in fact I've been avoiding my own advice. And what am I gaining from that? So, that's exactly what I will try harder to do this summer: whatever comes my way, whatever happens, bad or good, I will try to understand and accept and instead of disregard I'll try to find an aspect that deserves to be appreciated. So, you reading this, I'm giving you a challenge and asking you to find beauty in every little thing life offers you. 

///

Dress: Shein.com (link HERE)

Photos: Jane Nikoloski

Monthly Moments | June

"Градот убав пак ќе никне" беа дел од зборовите кои ми го означија детството. Ја имав таа среќа да пораснам во "старото Скопје", во време кое сега се чини толку далечно и непознато. Прошетките низ Центар претставуваа ретко задоволство, јас фатена под раче со мајка ми, спремна да го истражам ГТЦ кој тогаш беше преголем спореден со мојата минијатурна висина. Рутата беше секогаш иста: комплетно шетање на сите три спрата на ГТЦ, едно кругче на плоштад и како награда за крај - сладолед од чоколадо во Малага. Ми фали едноставноста на тоа време.
Сега, ГТЦ постои како потсетник на едно дамнешно време, место кое поради некоја причина секогаш е "уз пат". Затоа, кога прочитав за прекрасниот проект наречен "Градот убав" и идејата за користење на слободниот простор кој го нудат бетонските ѕидови на ГТЦ бев пресреќна што ова не-толку-мало местенце од моето детство ќе добие нов, уметнички дух.
20-те мурали и графити не разочараа, во секој од нив можеше да се забележи духот на Скопје, нешто што долго време фалеше во нашиот град.
//
Носам: Shein.com Bardot Neck Bodysuit 
Фотографии: Ангела Петровска

Metelkova

Soo, If you've been following me on Instagram you'd know that I visited my lovely friends in Ljubljana, Slovenia a few weeks back. I am currently writing and editing the photos from that trip (there's A LOT of material to go through, trust me) for a full-on travel post, but before that, I came up with the idea to give you guys a sneak peek of my Ljubljana adventure and share one of the coolest spots in town - Metelkova Street.
According to Google, Metelkova is an autonomous social and cultural centre, made up of seven buildings (former military barracks) that are now used as bars, shops, and clubs. During the day it's a tourist photo stop, but during the night, Metelkova is considered to be party central with different gigs and parties with music ranging from Techno to Jazz.

According to me, Metelkova is one of the coolest, most visually captivating neighborhoods I've ever seen. The whole feeling of Ljubljana changed when I entered this little district, and I found myself with my mouth open, not knowing where to look first. Art installations, murals, and mosaics overtook my view, and the sound of music playing on the radio in one of the barracks made the whole experience even better. 

Photos don't do this place justice, so If you're ever in Ljubljana give it a visit.

Photos: Marija Stojkovska & Elena Vasilevska

Anemoia

Have you ever looked at a photo from decades ago, only to imagine yourself belonging at that moment? Or listened to an old song and felt its resonant sound, as if you were supposed to be at that specific concert in 1969?

That feeling is one of the most interesting, yet so confusing things I have experienced. How can we long for something that we never had, that we don't have even the slightest clue about? I look back on photos from my parents from when they were my age and I think: Wow, their lives were so amazing back then. Everything was simpler - in the best way possible. To me, they had it all. Everything the world offers us today is more than sufficient, and I know I might sound undeserving of the privileges that we have today, but how can one not dream about appreciating the little things that now we don't even acknowledge. 

Maybe that's why people find things of the past so intriguing. I recently went to one of the most amazing vintage shops I've ever seen, filled with little requiems of the past. I touched broaches made 60 years ago, flicked through books with stained, yellow pages that have probably survived World War II. Surrounded by so much history, I felt wanderlust for a time I will never know about. 

Photos: Petar Avramoski

Pumped Up Kicks

Not too long ago I had a short conversation with some university colleagues and I told them that I considered myself an introvert. And to that, I got the most interesting reply: "Why do you think that? I wouldn't put you as an introvert, I think you're super friendly and down to make conversation with everyone". At first, I was taken back by this comment because I've never thought of myself as anything else.

Sure, I was way shyer 4,5 years ago when I started high school and I've come out of my shell a lot since those days, but I'll never shake that feeling of being known as "the quiet one". This little exchange of opinions meant more to me than it would to a normal person, mainly because the colleague who said this has known me since recently. I think it makes more of an impact if you hear these comments from new people in your life because they don't know "the old you" and they get to know you without any past judgment or preconceived opinions. It's good to know you've grown up mentally, even if you don't realize it at first.

I told all of this to Jane and he just looked at me and said: "Well, an introvert wouldn't lay down in a skate park just for the sake of a photo, I'll tell you that." I guess he was right.

///
Wearing: Shein.com Peach Sweatshirt & Patch Denim Jacket
Photos: Jane Nikoloski

Roll the Dice

"Roll the dice"

1. Literally, to roll dice, as for or in a game of chance.
2. By extension, to take some risk on the hope or chance of a fortunate outcome.

As I've never gambled in my life, and the closest to actually rolling a dice I've come to is when playing Monopoly, today I decided I'm going to talk about the idiomatic expression "roll the dice" and how often I've found myself (or not) in those kinds of situations.
When I thought about all of the times I've risked on something so far in my fairly uneventful life, I came to the conclusion that for me it's about expressing how I truly feel. I'm a very "straight to the point" kind of person, which has gotten me into some rather brash situations (and most of the time I regret it immediately) but at least I knew I had the guts to say what's on my mind. And that's how I'll continue to be, rolling the dice with every word that comes out of my mouth.
Other than that, I would say that I rolled the dice when I made this blog, not knowing what would ever come out of it. I rolled it when it came to choosing friends too, which always has positive and negative endings. With all of this being said, I know I should take more risks and try to be an "over-achiever" which is what I've been trying to do since the start of this year, but it's all about the baby steps. I would roll the dice for new experiences, new people, new outlooks on life.
What would you roll the dice for?
//
Wearing: Romwe.com jacket
Photos: Jane Nikoloski

Home

Where is home to you?
Personally, one answer simply doesn't exist.
Home is Skopje.
Home is the City Park in spring and summer, with a cup of lemonade from Velo Kafe and a deck of cards, soaking up the sun while sitting on the green grass with music softly playing in the background.
Home is the Congress Center, with countless editions of the music festival "Zlatno Slavejche", whose amazing songs I still sing to this day. No matter what happens to this place, the memories of the iconic round lights on the ceiling and the vibrant purple chairs will forever be with me.
Home is GTC, the place where I used to go with my mom and dad, when I was little, for our Sunday evening stroll, which always ended up with me begging for donuts from the main square.
Home is my university, with whom I have a love-hate relationship. There is love when I get lost in the mazy stairs which look like they go into nowhere and I somehow find a photogenic little corner, or when it's autumn and the large windows from our classrooms offer us an amazing watercolor-type view. But, there is hate when I have late lectures, or the cantina isn't open.
Home doesn't have to be a physical place. To me, home are my friends, whether we're having coffee on a sunny Saturday in an overcrowded cafe, or it's movie night and we end up having bizarre conversations until 2 AM.
I now know why I appreciate traveling so much because I know that at the end of the day I'll return home, in Skopje, where I'm the happiest.
Wearing: Irina Tosheva | Collection "Home"
Photos: Angela Petrovska
Location: Congress Center

Spring Shein.com Wishlist

Hello!
Since it's practically Spring here in Skopje, I decided it was the right time to share some of my favorite things on Shein.com right now that that will be perfect for this upcoming season. Ruffles, stripes and dainty floral patterns are well loved each season, as they will be this time around too! So, get out your favorite pink flower patterned shirts because now it's the perfect time to wear them!
Be sure to check out Shein.com for more amazing and trendy inexpensive items.

Button Up Striped Shirt Dress 

Pendant Necklaces

Layered Ruffled Cold Shoulder Top

Ruffle Hem Floral Dress

Strappy Back Halter Top

Flower Print High Waist Shorts