It's About Time

Photos: Angela Petrovska

2019 is with one foot out of the door, and I've barely posted anything else other than playlists this whole year. And I am truly so, so, soo sorry about that. The truth is, I've just been feeling extremely uninspired when it came to topics that I would like to cover on the blog. In the past, I used my blog as my main source of open creativity. I look at Instagram as a way to further promote what I loved doing here.



And this year, that shifted. I started doing analogue photography and started my project Edna Skazna over on Instagram. I spent almost half a year abroad and relied only on my phone and my film camera to take photos, so I thought that my phone quality photos were not good enough to be published here, and the film photos were just being published on Instagram. That left me feeling quite lost and guilty because I didn't have any "good" content or just something good enough to be published here. And as time went by, I became more comfortable being behind the camera and with exploring that world. I would freeze up when somebody pointed a DSLR at my face and I just felt completely out of place.

Another big part of why I was reluctant to come back to "regular programming" was because I didn't think my "programming" was relevant anymore. Instagram blogging became all the rage, and actual blogs started to die out. I would see girls on my Instagram feed become insanely popular by posting daily on topics about fashion and beauty, i.e. their outfits, make up looks etc. So, I just became confused about myself, about what I stand for. What do I stand for? Am I a fashion blogger? I am a travel blogger? Do I like talking about a certain topic more than another and should I just focus all of my online presence on one niche? When I started my blog I was all about fashion, but I've grown and so have my preferences. I have opinions and I like to share them. This is where posting a pretty picture of my outfit on the Gram just won't cut it. I like to explain, to write and re-write my thoughts and I can do that only through this medium. But, it's no new information that people nowadays have the shortest attention span ever, and would rather just double tap on Instagram and continue scrolling than take the time to read something longer than a Tweet. I'm guilty of that too, don't get me wrong, but what am I supposed to do with my "brand"?

I remember blogging back in 2016-2017, it was probably one of the most fun times of my life. There were only a few fashion blogs in Macedonia, and all of us girls knew eachother and supported one another. Going to events was an actually fun time, we would chat about things we had in common and we were like a little community. As time progressed, the events became more selective, more social media-driven and more of a competition of who's who. I would go into these things feeling a little bit anxious and feeling "unworthy". Why am I invited? I don't have 10k followers, I'm not relevant. I'm not relevant.

I guess that's why I felt like me not posting on my blog would just go unnoticed. Nobody cares about what I have to say, so why bother? I now see how that's a very selfish way of rationalizing or excusing my absence, and the outside influence shouldn't make me compromise what I believe in.
So, when My Time invited me to an event (after not going to any fashion events what-so-ever for more than a year) to celebrate the new Rosefield watches being available at their stores, the first thing that came to my mind was "Why me?". But the next thing that I experienced surprised me a bit - I was genuinely excited. And I can definitely say, it's been a while since I've been this excited about an event.

The event itself was one of the best events I've been to since starting my blog. Everyone was talking, enjoying themselves, we had fun activities to do and yummy food to eat (and let me tell you, my table didn't let any of that food go to waste haha), and we were all gifted watches from the amazing Rosefield brand. I've never been able to find a watch that matches my personality (or one that fits my tiny wrist), so the fact that I'm absolutely in love with this design blows my mind.

So yes, you can say that this lovely experience was the push I needed to feel comfortable again with what I love doing, and how to do that posing thing again haha. I guess right now I'm in the process of getting back into the groove of things, but I do know that the first steps are always the hardest. So bare with me, I'm ready to take on the new year with a more positive attitude.